Weight loss, Cancer, Brain surgery, helicopter rides... oh my!
I've debated whether or not to continue with the blog and decided that there is so much to share over the last 18 months that I would start there and see how I feel once I have provided an update about my life.
Weight loss continued into early 2012 and I lost a total of 125 lbs! 2 lbs shy of half of the starting me. The program worked and I did it all without surgery which is just incredible. As it turns out, the weight loss saved my life.
But first...In November of 2011, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I spent much of my time in the through April visiting her in Texas to keep her company as she went through chemo, surgery and radiation. She was very fortunate in that the cancer was caught early (early stage 2) and responded extremely well to chemo- the tumor shrank 1/4 after 1st dose! She breezed through the entire thing with only hair loss and a few scars to show for it. Almost a year and a half later, she is now back in California, closer to her girls (as sissy also moved back to CA this last year). I have been enjoying the nearly weekly visits from her because WE have been through quite a bit this last year.
Just as mom was finishing up her chemo treatments, I was beginning my own adventure.
I was up getting ready for work early one morning, had a wave of nausea and the next think I knew, I was waking up on the bathroom floor. A nasty knock on my head and unconscious for we think nearly 5 minutes. My husband was still asleep and didn't know anything was happening but did remember a loud thump... well, turns out it was my head hitting the closet door on my way down! When I came to I didn't feel right and we decided since I had hit my head and was having trouble concentrating and answering questions that we would go to the emergency room. Now, I may work in a hospital, but I hate going to one as a patient so for me to even say yes I felt we needed to go was saying something. The photo above was taken the day before I went down.
In the emergency room, I had a CT and they found "a bleed" that they were going to admit me for further work up. We thought at that time, that the bleed was from my knock on my head. After 3 days in the hospital, an EEG, Echo, additional CT and 2 MRIs, I was diagnosed with a rare condition of a cerebral cavernous malformation (CCM) that was showing signs of active bleeding. It had gotten large enough that it was now infringing upon brain space and was causing seizures. THAT was the reason I fell. Treatment for a CCM? wait and watch it get bigger or have surgery to remove it. Oh my... oh, and did I mention a lapse of conscious like mine is a mandatory hospital reporting to DMV??? Yes, no license my friends. Suspended... STILL (as of today).
I was referred to UCSF to one of only a few neurosurgeons in the country who could remove this "thing" in my left temporal lobe. It was in my auditory cortex and was rapidly impacting my function (speech, auditory processing, memory, etc) and caused additional seizures. We had to take care of it NOW. Did you know trying to get into an office of a surgeon of this caliber is like trying to get an audience with the Pope? Anywhooo... one cancellation appointment later and I was in. 2 weeks after my hospital discharge.
We saw him for 5 minutes. He said, yep, I needed surgery, yes, he could do it... would next week be ok???? OMG. Nothing like not having time to get one's life in order. With neurosurgery and with the area we were talking about, surgery was risky. But then again, so is waiting for a blood filled water balloon in your brain filling up with an impending rupture and most certain death. So, we said let's do it. At that time, I considered myself very fortunate that it was found and I was being given a chance to correct it. So many never get that opportunity.
Surgery was 7 hours, although to me it was a blink. When I woke up, I recognized my husband, was understanding what people were saying and knew where I was and why... I knew I was going to be ok. I also knew I had LOTS of healing ahead of me. Lots of work to get my brain back to what I remembered as being normal. And lots of hope that the scar would heal and I wouldn't be left looking like Frankenstein! 19 staples up one's side of the head makes you wonder. I was badly bruised up and down my neck and face, my eye was pulled like I had a bad face lift, and I was swollen... actually, that's an understatement...
For nearly 4 months, I was home out of work healing, stuck in the house unable to drive anywhere, alone, and frustrated that I could do so much less that I used to. I had terrible short term memory, a few years of long term memory erased, fatigue, problems with light and noise (too much stimulation), concentration, more deliberate speech, less emotion (almost numb), etc. Again, I had to continue to remind myself that I was still here. I had to come to terms with the fact that the old "me" is likely gone- instead, I am "redefining my normal."
In August I ventured back to work 3-1/2 days/week. That was enough to exhaust me for sure. Every 6 weeks or so we up'd my schedule. One full day- 2 half days, 2 full days-1 half day and then Jan 2 '13, I started back to what has become my permanent schedule of 3 full days. I am not able to work any more as it is still too mentally exhausting. My performance at work is also different. I was the one who ran around, remembered everything and multi-tasked like nobody's business. Now, I get through my day, one focused task at a time. Again, it is what it is and we will take it. I am back, right?
Healing continues even today. My scars are not too visible but I do keep my hair down, my face is almost back to it's normal shape, but my eye... well, I notice it every time I look in the mirror. Others don't. And to heal, I had to go off my diet that I did for so long successfully losing the weight that made me a surgical candidate to begin with. That which also had my BP down so the CCM didn't rupture... unbeknownst to us. Me in October... 20 lbs heavier than before surgery. Notice "the eye" on the left??
By the end of the year I was up a total of 35lbs so Jan 2, 2013, I joined the "Biggest Loser" competition at work back on plan. I am 17 lbs down at this point and hope to be back to goal right about one year from when all this began.
And how am I today? Most of the "Laura" personality is back but those who know me best know I am different. The experience has forever changed me and that's ok. I'm here... The rest doesn't matter. Everyone lives with challenges and I am no different but I am fortunate that the people in my life recognize what ever I am is a blessing.
And then, just as we thought life was getting back to our new normal, we had another round of excitement 2 weeks ago. My son was out on a training ride and was on a rapid (35mph) downhill decent and hit a patch of ice and went down. Hit is head, knocked unconscious, slid a lane and a half, rolled over and skidded along on his face. No cell service in the middle of nowhere but there were angels amongst us... again... there was an anesthesiologist and a paramedic with them also riding on the training ride. My husband was also right behind. and there was also one of the wives driving SAG (support). G was stabilized by the folks at the scene, the wife drove to cell service and called 911 and brought the emergency crews back to the accident site. He was loaded into the ambulance to transport to the helicopter to be taken to the nearest pediatric trauma center, my husband told where the he would be.
Some of the riders continued down the hill to get some pics of him being loaded onto the helicopter (yes, all those emergency crews were there for him. The ambulance is around the back and can't be seen)...
Remember, I don't have a license? He is being taken to a hospital 90 minutes away and the accident was nearly 45 minutes from home. A friend came up the hill to get me and drive me all the way to the hospital where I met my husband. Of course, the helicopter changed destinations mid flight without our knowledge so we first ended up in the wrong place. G was in pretty bad shape physically with gashes to his skull, deep road rash and badly concussed but again... CT of his head, neck, spine, abdomen and pelvis... nothing broken. Of course, he looked like he lost an MMA fight and it took nearly 30 stitches to his face to get him put back together. Kids heal so quickly but even the sports medicine MD that specializes in athletes with concussions has been amazed. 2 weeks after the accident G is back on his bike training in the house and most of the facial damage is all but healed. Right people at the scene, right emergency response, right pediatric trauma MD, right sports medicine MD, angels???
To say that these last 18 months have changed my perception of life and that which makes it go round would be an understatement. We continue to be reminded of how precious life is, how quickly it can change in an instance, and how we seem to have angels continuing to watch over my family. Blessed for sure.
Weight loss continued into early 2012 and I lost a total of 125 lbs! 2 lbs shy of half of the starting me. The program worked and I did it all without surgery which is just incredible. As it turns out, the weight loss saved my life.
But first...In November of 2011, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I spent much of my time in the through April visiting her in Texas to keep her company as she went through chemo, surgery and radiation. She was very fortunate in that the cancer was caught early (early stage 2) and responded extremely well to chemo- the tumor shrank 1/4 after 1st dose! She breezed through the entire thing with only hair loss and a few scars to show for it. Almost a year and a half later, she is now back in California, closer to her girls (as sissy also moved back to CA this last year). I have been enjoying the nearly weekly visits from her because WE have been through quite a bit this last year.
Just as mom was finishing up her chemo treatments, I was beginning my own adventure.
I was up getting ready for work early one morning, had a wave of nausea and the next think I knew, I was waking up on the bathroom floor. A nasty knock on my head and unconscious for we think nearly 5 minutes. My husband was still asleep and didn't know anything was happening but did remember a loud thump... well, turns out it was my head hitting the closet door on my way down! When I came to I didn't feel right and we decided since I had hit my head and was having trouble concentrating and answering questions that we would go to the emergency room. Now, I may work in a hospital, but I hate going to one as a patient so for me to even say yes I felt we needed to go was saying something. The photo above was taken the day before I went down.
In the emergency room, I had a CT and they found "a bleed" that they were going to admit me for further work up. We thought at that time, that the bleed was from my knock on my head. After 3 days in the hospital, an EEG, Echo, additional CT and 2 MRIs, I was diagnosed with a rare condition of a cerebral cavernous malformation (CCM) that was showing signs of active bleeding. It had gotten large enough that it was now infringing upon brain space and was causing seizures. THAT was the reason I fell. Treatment for a CCM? wait and watch it get bigger or have surgery to remove it. Oh my... oh, and did I mention a lapse of conscious like mine is a mandatory hospital reporting to DMV??? Yes, no license my friends. Suspended... STILL (as of today).
I was referred to UCSF to one of only a few neurosurgeons in the country who could remove this "thing" in my left temporal lobe. It was in my auditory cortex and was rapidly impacting my function (speech, auditory processing, memory, etc) and caused additional seizures. We had to take care of it NOW. Did you know trying to get into an office of a surgeon of this caliber is like trying to get an audience with the Pope? Anywhooo... one cancellation appointment later and I was in. 2 weeks after my hospital discharge.
We saw him for 5 minutes. He said, yep, I needed surgery, yes, he could do it... would next week be ok???? OMG. Nothing like not having time to get one's life in order. With neurosurgery and with the area we were talking about, surgery was risky. But then again, so is waiting for a blood filled water balloon in your brain filling up with an impending rupture and most certain death. So, we said let's do it. At that time, I considered myself very fortunate that it was found and I was being given a chance to correct it. So many never get that opportunity.
Surgery was 7 hours, although to me it was a blink. When I woke up, I recognized my husband, was understanding what people were saying and knew where I was and why... I knew I was going to be ok. I also knew I had LOTS of healing ahead of me. Lots of work to get my brain back to what I remembered as being normal. And lots of hope that the scar would heal and I wouldn't be left looking like Frankenstein! 19 staples up one's side of the head makes you wonder. I was badly bruised up and down my neck and face, my eye was pulled like I had a bad face lift, and I was swollen... actually, that's an understatement...
For nearly 4 months, I was home out of work healing, stuck in the house unable to drive anywhere, alone, and frustrated that I could do so much less that I used to. I had terrible short term memory, a few years of long term memory erased, fatigue, problems with light and noise (too much stimulation), concentration, more deliberate speech, less emotion (almost numb), etc. Again, I had to continue to remind myself that I was still here. I had to come to terms with the fact that the old "me" is likely gone- instead, I am "redefining my normal."
In August I ventured back to work 3-1/2 days/week. That was enough to exhaust me for sure. Every 6 weeks or so we up'd my schedule. One full day- 2 half days, 2 full days-1 half day and then Jan 2 '13, I started back to what has become my permanent schedule of 3 full days. I am not able to work any more as it is still too mentally exhausting. My performance at work is also different. I was the one who ran around, remembered everything and multi-tasked like nobody's business. Now, I get through my day, one focused task at a time. Again, it is what it is and we will take it. I am back, right?
Healing continues even today. My scars are not too visible but I do keep my hair down, my face is almost back to it's normal shape, but my eye... well, I notice it every time I look in the mirror. Others don't. And to heal, I had to go off my diet that I did for so long successfully losing the weight that made me a surgical candidate to begin with. That which also had my BP down so the CCM didn't rupture... unbeknownst to us. Me in October... 20 lbs heavier than before surgery. Notice "the eye" on the left??
And how am I today? Most of the "Laura" personality is back but those who know me best know I am different. The experience has forever changed me and that's ok. I'm here... The rest doesn't matter. Everyone lives with challenges and I am no different but I am fortunate that the people in my life recognize what ever I am is a blessing.
And then, just as we thought life was getting back to our new normal, we had another round of excitement 2 weeks ago. My son was out on a training ride and was on a rapid (35mph) downhill decent and hit a patch of ice and went down. Hit is head, knocked unconscious, slid a lane and a half, rolled over and skidded along on his face. No cell service in the middle of nowhere but there were angels amongst us... again... there was an anesthesiologist and a paramedic with them also riding on the training ride. My husband was also right behind. and there was also one of the wives driving SAG (support). G was stabilized by the folks at the scene, the wife drove to cell service and called 911 and brought the emergency crews back to the accident site. He was loaded into the ambulance to transport to the helicopter to be taken to the nearest pediatric trauma center, my husband told where the he would be.
To say that these last 18 months have changed my perception of life and that which makes it go round would be an understatement. We continue to be reminded of how precious life is, how quickly it can change in an instance, and how we seem to have angels continuing to watch over my family. Blessed for sure.
posted by Laura at 5:30 PM
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